I can’t believe I just saw this today. Obama vs McCain, Republican view vs Democratic. Highly amusing.

[From Bits and Pieces]

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. A bible.

2. A silver dollar.

3. A bottle of whiskey.

4. And a Playboy magazine.

“I’ll just hide behind the door”, the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up.

If it’s the bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month’s centerfold.

“Lord have mercy!”, the old preacher whispered disgustedly .. “He’s gonna run for Congress!”

If you receive an email entitled ‘Bedtimes’ …. Delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers.

Other things this virus will do:

* This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
* IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.
* It will drink ALL your beer.

FOR GOD’S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ?

* It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
* It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.
* If the ‘Bedtimes’ message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
* It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

***WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ***

And if you don’t send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you’ll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone!

THERE’S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!

Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!!

And look at you - you’re on the computer.

(via)

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all of the girls to the restroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of them. He took a long handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors.

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

‘May I help you sir?’ she asked.

‘I want to see Valerie,’ the man replied.

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