One of the funnier forwards I’ve gotten in my inbox of late…

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the channels.

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I can’t enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program …

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’ m p umping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician..

Have a wonderful day..

Cat: 0
Printer: 1

I love how she stops and looks at it, then tries to edge up a little slower to sneak up on it.

The following are some posts and articles that I’ve recently enjoyed, in no particular order. I thought I’d share.

RESTful Web services: The basics

Relative vs. Absolute References in Formulas

Excel Basics: How to add drop down list to validate data

What the IF? - learn 6 cool things you can do with excel if() functions

10 Terrible Tech Ads

How to Beat the Plague of Limiting Beliefs

The results of my messing around with .NET DateTime. Hope this is useful for someone else!

using System;
namespace ConsoleApplication1
{
   class Program
   {
      static void Main(string[] args)
      {
      // fun with DateTime
      // right now, including the time
      Console.WriteLine(DateTime.Now);

      // today's date, no time (midnite)
      Console.WriteLine(DateTime.Today);

      // stripping a time off a DateTime (so it's midnite, useful for database queries)
      DateTime startDate = DateTime.Parse("10/31/2008 5:25 pm"); // pretend this came from a database or something
      Console.WriteLine(startDate); // see the time displayed
      startDate = startDate.Date; // this is just the date portion with no time
      Console.WriteLine(startDate); // see, just has the date now

      // difference, in number of days, between two dates, human-logic, that is, the 5th is 2 days after the 3rd, no matter what time it was
      DateTime endDate = DateTime.Parse("11/03/2008 4:25 pm"); // pretend this came from a database or something, too
      int days = (startDate.Date - endDate.Date).Duration().Days; // absolute value, order of start and end dates is not important
      Console.WriteLine(days);
      int days2 = (startDate.Date - endDate.Date).Days; // real value, order of start and end dates IS important
      Console.WriteLine(days2);

      // difference between dates with time portion, such as .25 hours (time and attendance, payroll)
      startDate = DateTime.Parse("11/17/2008 8:00 am");
      endDate = DateTime.Parse("11/17/2008 4:45 pm");
      TimeSpan interval = endDate - startDate; // order matters
      Console.WriteLine(interval);

      // hey, don't we get a lunch break?
      DateTime startLunch = DateTime.Parse("11/17/2008 12:00 pm");
      DateTime endLunch = DateTime.Parse("11/17/2008 12:25 pm");
      TimeSpan lunchInterval = endLunch - startLunch; 
      Console.WriteLine(interval - lunchInterval); // 20 minutes of overtime! (yeah, right)

      Console.Read();
      }
   }
}